We leave this history behind, pack our boots and ready ourselves for newness. Lucky in this, so far all has been monochromatic, in that circumstances have been similar but different and points in departure only extend from introductory conversations of alma maters and personal hobbies. But dismiss not the madness in repetition and moments of stark familiarity for this is what makes the distance between close friends all the more emphatic, pronounced. How far will I let my fear lead me before I call back to God to rescue me?
Madness madness madness. Beauty lies within the method in the madness but all I saw in his eyes was a madness that he protected savagely. Fangs showing, eyes all crazy. Slippery slope. Downhill gravity inevitable. I can't say it more, I can't say it better; then why did I allow it! He said it best; why have I not abided by the rules why why why. "Depart from me, you who practise lawlessness." It told him that we are doomed to love. "Doomed? The greatest and first commandment is to love." How can we be doomed? Why have we made love out to be a disaster? I can't say but I do know one thing for sure - what we did was a mistake, what I allowed to happen was a terrible, terrible mistake. I know what I have to do now.
I need you, God. I need you through this season. Whatever it is You're trying to teach me or show me, please just hold my hand as You do so.
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