The moment came when I knew that I had to apologise or if not apologise, then show her how sorry I was. Feeling sorry doesn't equate to being apologetic; being apologetic implies blame and fault and even though those two things I attribute to myself, I wasn't ready to admit it to myself, much less her, yet. In my mind, the dots weren't connecting - surely God didn't mean for it to end this way. Surely this is not a lost cause. I told her that: "maybe it's not a lost cause. Surely He means for it to end differently."
She's always told me she believed I was stronger than her. "That's where you're different from me." She told me to find a good Christian boy, one that wouldn't dictate my life. The toughest job in the world, why has it become so sad. Respect to guilt, love to pity. Shit, this cannot be. No one deserves this, much less her.
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