Comparisons are easily done.

I told him that I was thankful for his company, that I had someone not from my JCRC that I could talk to about JCRC stuff because he would understand. And now, more than ever, I wish I had that someone.

The more I spoke about the things that I had on my mind, the more the words just kept coming. And coming and coming. And the one thing I am good at is speaking. So I spoke freely, without filters, with no restraint. And I spoke tornadoes into existence, I spoke falling trees into life, like it was my catharsis, as if I had the right to. I should've stopped myself, I should've. The kids were there. There were kids involved. Well, not kids kids but people whom we were leaders to. And I should've stop, I should've.

And after I had finished, I sat back and the realisation of what I'd just done dawned on me. It came crashing like a thunderous sarcastic applause. "Well done, Natalie, you happy now?" And at that moment I wish I could've taken it all back. Right there and then, I wanted to turn to them and apologise, ask them to forget everything I had said. Everything I said I meant but they weren't supposed to know. There were kids involved.

I am disappointed with this term. I am disappointed with how things have turned out, for our poor leadership and our inability to inspire. Most of all, I am disappointed with the spiteful, hateful, mean person I have become.