Let the weak

Lord, and let there be light.
From Sunday to Tuesday of the last week, I spent my time reliving past inspirations, recollecting past feelings and recounting past selfs. All under the facade of preparing for "something important". That's how I allowed myself to do nothing all day except surround myself with good music, the occasional MasterChef episodes, and wet paint and sticky paintbrushes.

Of course I knew nothing practical would come from this. But I enjoyed myself nonetheless.

 I did this back in J2 - before squash match support where we sat side-by-side, sharing your iPod when "Sea of Love" by Cat Power came on. We stared straight ahead, too nervous to turn to look at each other, but secretly knowing what the other must have been feeling. This song was my anthem for the next few months, and then it became the song I avoided like the plague for the later few. All in all, I'm glad we are where we are now.

"So if you're crazy, I don't care, you amaze me." - The Fratellis

This was one of the nights she told us she was leaving, that it was over and that she was calling it quits. She looked at us with eyes I didn't fully recognise, and she sobbed. She told us she was sorry as she closed her eyes and cried heavy, noisy tears. I looked at her face and felt nothing. I was just thinking how old she looked, how many wrinkles she had acquired over the years and how ugly she had become. And I felt nothing. But this is what it looked like.

"And I love you more than I could ever promise." - Ingrid Michaelson

So true, isn't it? We say we love each other and then we kill them with the hope they profess. Once again, I'm sorry for loving you with my imperfect love.

Embracing immensity, that's what I learnt to do last year. It sure beats hiding out in a bubble anyway.

"Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it's cold as hell." - Elton John

Inspired when I was taking astro and listening to Rocket Man. So dark and silent, space is, but how much I yearn for that stillness. 

At the end of the day, I guess there's not much I'd ask for except for a way forward again. Where do I go from here? What do you want me to do, God? I'm trying not to be disheartened and I'm trying to keep in mind Sundays. And I do believe there is more! I do.

So bring me along with you, my Lord, and I will follow you!