The whole time I hadn't realised what was missing. I knew there was something amiss but it was my hubris that muted the feelings of being insufficient. Because how could I be anything but, thinking that all I had had always been, and all that I needed was relative. Then you spoke. And I realised that you were that void. That I missed missing you.
It saddens me to think that the future I had envisioned (for myself) will cease to exist, even if its as paltry as what I'd be doing later or how I'd be spending my breakfasts. Nonetheless, I'd be remiss to say that that semblance of a future was anything but damaging. To say the least, it wasn't healthy.
I'm brought back to the nights when I didn't want to go up to my room because there was a stranger living there and you stayed awake to offer me companionship. And as I fell asleep on those various couches, I knew, in those moment, that I was fortunate to have had you as a friend.
Anyway, I hope you visit often, even if it's just to be familiar strangers.
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