I’ve been so miserable lately. So damned miserable.
I’m just tired. Tired of being angry all the time, tired of wanting more of everything, of this year, of myself, of my class. Tired of being enthusiastic when everyone else feels it’s a waste if time. I feel like I’m the waste of time here. Tired of rethinking whether I was too harsh, whether I might have offended somebody, whether or not I’d be fucking liked or not. Tired of being the bigger person, when inside I feel so small. So small and stupid. So damn fucking stupid.
Why is it we always want the things we can’t get?
Why is it we cry, when the ones that have lost out isn’t us, when the ones that have let us down feel nothing at all?
Why have you let me down? I feel I haven’t been able to be a friend lately and I miss you. God I miss you. But I can’t even talk to you now without feeling as if I need to reconfigure my feelings.
Why won’t you just stand up for me and just be my friend?
This wasn’t how the year was supposed to end off. This wasn’t what I planned. I was supposed to feel happy.
Now, I’m just tired.
I am undone
A little rough around the edges
Hearing stories of the hours past
And the hour glass we raised
The one I tried to chase
We talk too much
A million words
Meaning nothing at all
Telling stories of nothing real
It's never how we feel
And they say time is how we heal
- Breathe you in, Mia Carruthers
Oh Charlie, I love your blog posts. They're so meaningful and true. :) <3
ReplyDeleteI guess, to be honest, I'm really bad at consoling people and stuff, so all I can say is that I'm sure everything will be alright in the end, because it's usually like that. And if it doesn't work out, then you just learn from it and know that it wasn't meant to be, but that there's so much more out there for you.
You can't give up; you have to keep hoping and looking for it. You'll get there eventually. You will. I know you will.