All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Hello, satellites. Here we meet again.

It's been awhile since I've last said anything here, and I have reasons of which I will subsequently disclose. I have decided to return back here because I miss talking to no one. Especially love the part when they say crystal nothingness. Trust me, sarcasm is clear within reach of my mental capacity right now, but in this very soliloquy, I have allowed none of that nonsense. Not without fair warning, not without fair warning.

Alright, honesty.

How far we have come only to find ourselves in the exact same predicament, staring boldly into each other's eyes, tearing our souls apart with unquestioning finger tips and bloodied paws. The meeting, yes I refer to it as the meeting (for more reasons than none), revealed everything and yet, nothing to me. All I know is that a waterfall broke free from me. Except it didn't cascade like twinkling jewels, crashing to the ground in excited ripples of obscene happiness, as they always do in photographs or children's graphic novels, i.e. picture books. Instead, it came like a torrent - muddied and decayed, forgotten and sullied. And one would think that an emotional effusion of such magnitude would grant a person peace of mind or at least, mollification, but good golly, gee whizz, ay caramba, hot tomato, would one be wrong.

And so, with the whir of little fans and a grinding of chiseled cogs, we are back, business as usual. Except, it isn't. With the armour of God and a new found determination to face up against spiritual demons and bad guys, I will fight this. Shit, this is tough, damn straight, but heck, if this were easy as pie, it wouldn't be worth fighting for.

And I hear you, Lord. I don't hear You hear You, but I get it. I'm not thick, I get it when You're giving me an example, when You use someone else to speak to me. It's like they're psychic, but of course they're not.

And I'm pissed off, but You know that. And I'm fed-up, but You know that. And I'm tired of feeling so ugly and fat, and slow and stupid, and lousy and irresponsible, and spoilt and temperamental and difficult and troublesome and unattractive and too tall. I am done with feeling this way.

So he can give me mixed signals. And this group can fall apart. And my grades can suck, my eyebags can continue to eat their way across my face and I can be lousy at math. BUT I AM DONE BECAUSE I SAY SO.

Things will change. For better or for worse.