Remember how I told you I was a needy person and you didn't believe me? Nobody does. But people misinterpret my meaning of 'needy'. Just because I don't need many people, doesn't mean I don't need specific people desperately. Sometimes, even to an unhealthy extent.
Coming back to our unfamiliar room tonight, I had to hold on to the door handle to steady myself as my thoughts came crashing through my cranium into the hollows of my eyes. I looked around and breathed in heavily, like I was drinking in life, like I've been thirsty for a long time.
And then my eyes landed on that one little square note that you wrote for me before you left. BE FEARLESS. That's the most important lesson you learnt in 2014. And as I imagined you far away in a strange land with strangers being brave and living out your new mantra, I felt a wave of calm wash over me.
Maybe it's because I'm grossly misaligned with God. It feels horrible. I said a prayer, the most earnest one I've said in days, and waited for sleep to take me into morning. God, I know You're there. I'm sorry for not meeting You as often as I should have. I want to come back.
I miss my roomie. I have so much to tell her, to ask her. I need to ask her if I'm about to make a mistake.
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