He told me that I have a soul | How does he know?

Recently, my father has come into the routine of reminding me about his carnality. He tells me that he's old, that he has plans for the next 20 years - if he lives that long. He tells me that his 责任 is no more, that he has done his part and we are free to be the people we want to be.

And of course, usual topics include my mother, her bad behaviour, leaving her etc.

My father thinks the worst of my mother. The absolute worst. Maybe it's because he's given up on thinking any higher of her after being let down so many times. Maybe it's because he's too proud that whatever she does that defies him or he doesn't agree with is rendered wrong, selfish or "one kind". Or well, maybe he's just right about her.

Whatever the case, I hope I manage to keep it together. I would be remiss if I were to make this about myself (is it still about me?) but I must say this because I simply cannot promise how I will react to anything anymore. All I know is that I wanted him to stop talking. I hated being in that position of "you're old enough for me to tell this to", which being in, robbed me of my allowance to cry or get emotional. Because "old enough" = able to think logically. Yet, while all is civil and rational, I am first "their daughter" and she is "my mother" before I am "old enough". 

I used to think that that meant something.

I've decided on a new project to embark on - I'm going to make comics. I've always been able to. I just never got down to it. But I want to have a craft that I hone consistently and in, ideally, stressless conditions. Lord, give me resolution and wisdom. Make good works out of my feeble hands. Let these hands and these words mean something to someone. 

Amen.