Soon and very soon

I've been dreading coming back here.

God, You put me here. Not Keith, not HR, not Kor, definitely not myself - YOU. Why do I still doubt, why do I still fear?

It used to be exhilarating, being able to call myself a writer. But recently, the thrill has subsided, the novelty has worn off. And under the shiny veneer of opportunity and possibility lies the flaking inadequacy of buried shame. How am I qualified? Is this what I was really made to do? Am I really good enough?

And while I know the answers to all these questions, I know them by rote and, only occasionally, by persuasion. Systemic conviction. I feel Him telling me to stay here and persevere, to tarry in this position of being uncomfortable so that He may make the works of my hands beautiful eventually. Eventually. Soon and very soon.

I will obey, Lord. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This I believe.