I've never tried so hard not to wallow.
The thoughts come, I push them away.
My eyes well with heat, I squeeze them till they know who's boss.
The ache in my heart fizzles through a vein in my left arm. I feel the tingle and numbness in my left hand. It makes me wonder if this is what caused my mum's heart to rip itself apart. Did her heartbreak break her heart? Chance.
As I averted my gaze, I felt his boring into my face. Reading, searching. Trying to make it right by... eye power. He moved his hand to take mine, but my fingers didn't respond. They couldn't. I was a rock. I was a wall. The tears found its own way out, meandering down my steely face. The wall that I was made no effort to wipe them.
"I've been selfish. I put my needs before yours. But you are everything to me. If you asked me to quit this job, I would do it in a heartbeat. I just want to be with you. Please, will you forgive me?"
He was crying too. He's always been a big softie. That's what I love about him. Especially because his vulnerability is a side of himself he reserves only for me.
But I didn't want him to quit him job, sheesh. It's a good job that the Lord has in no certain terms blessed him with. He doesn't need a new job. Just maybe... some perspective.
I love this man. That's the only reason why he could break my heart this badly. So of course I forgive him. I let him hug me—the wall needs time to un-wall. I tell him I need time to heal but in the meantime, we can watch tv.
We will watch tv until the next time one of our hearts breaks--and comes back--again.
No comments:
Post a Comment